Going back to being ME!

For the past couple of months I have abandoned myself a lot -YES, let’s not get into writing mumbo jumbo- I stopped exercising since I got back in January from my (not so fun) holiday trip to Miami, I didn’t want to cook anymore (I don’t find it fun to cook for myself, but I got to a point where I even unplugged the fridge), I stopped going to Yoga (something I loved!), I started procrastinating with multiple t
hings from my daily life (house chores) and that motivational poster I was building? Well…it was left to collect dust right next to my Yoga mat in a corner of my living room, and everyday I would ask myself non-stop the same hammering question: “What is wrong with me?”. I had no clue. And seriously, I didn’t! As sad as it sounds, I kind of started feeling comfortable being in that state of mind and tried not to pay attention to my surroundings, even though deep inside I knew I was not “ok” and that it wasn’t me, AT ALL!

One random night I started looking at old photos of me and my family when we were living in Japan back in the 90’s and suddenly I felt warm…I felt happy. That’s when I realized what I really had to do: follow my dream. For those of you who do not know me, I have always had a deep feeling of wanderlust since I was little. I do not feel at ease being in one place, confined to social standards. I feel comfortable traveling solo and I feel a necessity of getting out there, to the world and getting lost in it (which I dream of doing and I know I will do it). I realized I had been scared most of my life because what I want to do does not fit with what is socially traditional: going to college and graduate, get a good job (difficult), work the best years of your life away and while you are at it try to find yourself a suitable boyfriend whom you should eventually marry, buy a house and have kids and then work your a** off to pay the mortgage and your kids college. NOPE I was not going to settle for that! Although I might want to get married and eventually have kids, I never understood why I had to do what everyone does and follow what others do just because “that’s how it should be”. I do have to mention, however, that even if my parents raised me with that sort of mentality, they ALWAYS encouraged me to do what made me happy no matter what; and they have been always very open minded with me and my brother in regards to what we have always wanted to do in life. I guess my real problem was BEING AFRAID OF FAILURE. And that, my friends, is one hell of a scary guy let me tell you AND IT WILL NOT LET YOU BE HAPPY! And since I have been constantly afraid with failure I had fallen into a state of comfort zone career wise -which became pretty much non-existent- and personally wise. You might be asking yourself “and what about love?” well you see, that is the one thing that was true and real: my relationship with Juan; which I will not get into details for obvious reasons. Let’s just say our relationship is unique 🙂

As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning. – Barbara Sher

A few nights ago I took control of my emotions and decided to start little by little to go back to the way I really am: active, cheerful, curious…happy. I grabbed that dusty and incomplete motivational poster I had left in a corner all rolled up and spread it out on the floor, I found some magazines, a glue stick, markers and a pair of scissors and started to add more stuff in it. Even though it is not finished, I am only missing 30% of it. I went back to starting to eat healthier so no more munchies! I ride my bicycle to work every day again and I even started a savings jar! (whaaaaaat) 🙂

My motivational poster, almost done! It's only missing a picture of me and Juan <3

My motivational poster, almost done! It’s only missing a picture of me and Juan ❤

 

One goal that has always been stuck with me has been Japan. And everything I am doing right now is in function of that goal. I will not stop until I reach it and that is I guess what this post was meant to be about: YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS! As cliche as it may sound, I had no idea what to write about since it had been a few months and I felt kind of odd about it so I just started to write whatever came to my mind like some sort of therapy (and it’s working!) because this blog is also part of bringing back the real ME.

So then what is a life without dreams? Don’t know and don’t wish to know either. Fight for your dreams, don’t leave them aside in an obscure room of your life. It might not be easy to reach them, you might have to sacrifice a lot (more than you might have expected) but in the end, I know it will be goddamn worth it, I CAN FEEL IT! Don’t let everyday life and worries get on your way, your dreams are YOURS and nobody else’s. I feel stronger since I took the decision of doing whatever it takes to go back to Japan and fulfill my childhood dreams. I feel determined, inspired and powerful. Don’t let anybody let down your dreams, no one has the right to do so. Cherish them because your dreams ARE REAL!

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